


Ignorant of the Hearts Held

by Diary



Category: This Means War (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Awkward Conversations, Bechdel Test Fail, Bisexual FDR Foster, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Tuck Hansen, Drunken Confessions, Families of Choice, Friends Become Romantic Partners, Grandmothers, Late Night Conversations, Male Friendship, Multi, Not Actually Unrequited Love, POV Multiple, Past Tense, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 18:35:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6340702
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Diary/pseuds/Diary
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An AU look at FDR, Tuck, and their developing friendship and eventual relationship. Complete.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ignorant of the Hearts Held

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own This Means War.

FDR slid into the chair next to Harrison, alias Hansen. “Here’s the thing,” he said, “MI5, 6, or 10, I have no idea what in the hell you are. But we’re cousins, right? Something along those lines, anyway. So, while you’re here, why don’t we get a drink? Maybe you and your wife can come over for dinner at my grandparents’. Uh, let the record show, I do not still live with my grandparents, I just do what any sensible bachelor who doesn’t want to be assassinated by the local fire department does and expect them to keep providing me with food. In exchange, I still do weekend lawn work and help with the horses.”

Hansen gave him a wary look. “There is no MI10.”

“I’d expect an analyst to know that,” FDR said. “Me, I’m strictly fieldwork, and I figure, the best way to come across as ordinary is to not automatically correct people when they say something they obviously learned from TV or some book about our work. You might be surprised at how many agents accidentally fall into that trap.”

Finally, Hansen smiled, and FDR briefly regretted his decision to try to make the newest out-of-place visitor feel welcome. “I was a field agent, too,” he said. “I switched to analyst work when Katie and I got serious.”

“Your wife?”                                                                  

Nodding, Hansen produced several pictures, and FDR managed not to laugh. “Katie. She has dual citizenship. British on her dad’s side. She was attending uni, but she always planned to come back once she finished. Now, especially with the baby on the way- To be honest, I’m not sure what I’m going to do once we take care of this Turkish bloke.”

“Maybe our joint taskforce can be permanent,” FDR suggested. “So, what do you say to that drink?”

“Yeah, sure, thanks, mate.”

Winking, FDR said, “No problem. These things always go smoother when we’re not all involved in pissing contests, right?”

…

“So, do you have a girlfriend?”

Hansen was still somewhat tentative, but FDR took the fact he was finally showing some initiative as a step in the right direction.

“I date a lot,” FDR answered. “No insult to you and your wife, but settling down-” He shook his head.

Hansen laughed. “Understood. For me, meeting Katie was a godsend. I didn’t have much stability growing up. But it’s going to be different for my boy. He’s always going to have a mum and dad who work together to raise him and handle arguments in a rational manner. Hopefully, he’s always going to have one home and one school, too.”

“Does she know what you do?”

“Travel agent. What about you? I don’t imagine you tell your lovely lady friends what you really do?”

“Cruise captain.”

To FDR’s delight, Hansen started laughing.

He immediately tried to stop and gasped out, “Sorry. It’s just-”

Rolling his eyes, FDR said, “It works better than you’d think it would.”

“If you say so.”

…

When Hansen and his wife came over for dinner, it took five minutes of talking to her for FDR to get a sinking feeling in his stomach.

They weren’t right for each other.

It wasn’t his place to say anything, however. Since he and Hansen started hanging out, there’d been noticeably less tension between his fellow agents and the MI-whatevers. Furthermore, they were married with a baby on the way, and a few drinks after work didn’t make him and Hansen actual friends who could have serious, painful conversations with one another.

Later, when his nana was showing Katie the horses, Hansen slung an arm around him. “What do you think?”

Managing not to tense or move closer into the touch, FDR looked over and commented, “You’re a lucky man, and she’s a lucky woman. Your son is definitely going to have two great parents.”

Hansen pulled him closer. “I want to thank you. I know part of it was just trying to make things smoother for the sake of both our countries, but I haven’t really made any friends since coming in here, and- thank you for making such an effort.”

“Hey, there’s only so much I’m willing to sacrifice for my country. My life, my freedom, a date with a painfully hot girl, sure, but if anyone I didn’t like invaded my nana’s, they’d be subjected to every ‘accident’ I could possibly get away with. I’m glad I’ve gotten to know you, Hansen. Hopefully, when this is all over, we’ll keep in touch.”

“Tuck,” Hansen insisted.

“Yeah, we’re not at that level, yet,” FDR said.

Grinning, Hansen pulled him even closer, and FDR let himself relax fractionally into the touch.

…

After they took care of the Turkish trying to unleash chemical warfare, Hansen’s son was born.

“No, I’m not holding him.” FDR quickly grabbed a nearby laptop and held it protectively to his chest. “I’m happy for you and Katie, and obviously, if you don’t bring the baby over soon, my nana is going to take it out on me, and I might be forced to start another war between our countries, but until he’s less of a wiggly potato, let’s instigate a five feet or more rule.”

“Wiggly potato,” Hansen repeated with incredulous offence.

“I once held a baby cousin a week or two after she was born, and when she wiggled in my arms- not to mention, they do pretty much all look like potatoes for the first few months.”

After giving him a glare, Hansen looked back down at his son, and his look was filled with such love, FDR felt his heart physically respond.

“No matter what this one says, you’re beautiful, Joe,” Hansen softly said. “I know that isn’t the thing to be said to boys, but it’s true. You can be handsome when you grow up, but right now, you’re my beautiful baby boy. I don’t care how wiggly you are, me or mummy will always hold you when you need us to, yeah?”

The baby gurgled.

Keeping the laptop in position, FDR slowly moved over to peer down at Joe.

“He’ll probably be unfairly handsome when he grows up,” he acknowledged.

Just like his dad, he didn’t add.

…

FDR always knew he’d eventually be caught.

For want of a cell phone charger, he bitterly thought.

Unaware his wasn’t working properly, he’d brought a man back to his apartment, some out-of-towner with a white line around his ring finger and an obviously fake name.

They were just getting to the good part when Hansen burst in. “Foster, are you okay? I’m sorry for picking the lock, but we have an emergency, and you aren’t answering your mobile. Oh, God, please, please, don’t tell me there’s a girl.”

He was opening the bedroom door before FDR could get to it, and he paused when he took in the not-girl. Blinking, he simply said, “Really, I’m sorry, mate, but I’m not kidding about the emergency. It’s the ‘your country could end up a barren wasteland’ type. Get dressed.” To the man, he said, “Um, sorry to you, too. If it helps, he wouldn’t leave if not for-”

FDR pushed him out. “Just wait outside. I’ll be there in five minutes.”

…

Once everything was handled, FDR sat down across from Hansen at a picnic table in an empty park.

Pushing a Styrofoam cup of coffee over, Hansen started, “About-”

“I’m going first,” FDR announced. “It wasn’t 9/11.” At Hansen’s look, he explained, “Most agents around my age, if asked why they do what they do, why they wanted to become this, 9/11 is usually somewhere in their answer. Obviously, it affected me, but it’s just not the reason. You’ve seen Nana’s farm. Ever since I was little, I’ve had respect for land. The soil, the food growing from it, the water from the pond.”

“My great-grandfather, he came from Ireland with nothing and put his sweat and blood into the land. He faced discrimination, but because this was the land of the free, the country that said, ‘Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, the wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door,’ he made something of himself and ensured his family would have something to be proud of.”

“Eventually, I learned about slavery, the internment camps, and all the other less-than-great things we did. And it hurt, and it made me angry, but I was born on the land of people who insisted everyone had a right to say what they thought, do what they wanted within reason, and try to make something of themselves. Even when reality falls short, people shouldn’t give up trying to believe the ideal might someday be reached.”

“I’d either make a terrible politician or too good of one. I’m not army material. But I’ve always been good with people, and I saw that I could use that to protect my fellow citizens. Maybe one day, some kid’s going to grow up to make America all the great it possibly can be. Maybe some doctor or lawyer or whatever is going to discover a way to ensure perfect liberty and safety.”

“Until that day comes, though, I am damn good at my job. All those people who are angry at the torture, which I’ve never done, they have a right to be. Taking morality completely out of it, an agent like me can get the same results just by talking. And I’m hoping to do something similar now, because, I have sacrificed so much for my country. I’ve been shot at, threatened with torture, and I’ve killed. The last wasn’t done lightly, and I still have a violent reaction inside when I think about it, but for the sake of innocent Americans, it was necessary.”

“So, please,” he finished, “don’t take my job away. We both know that certain things get people quietly shuffled out, no matter how good they are.”

“Okay,” Hansen said. “I hope you believe me when I say that, all I was going to say was, ‘Look, it’s your business, mate, and I’m sorry for interrupting your evening.’”

FDR slumped down.

“Come on,” Hansen said. He pushed the coffee a little closer. “It’s not a question of morality to me as long as everyone is fully consenting, but if it were, I’d take morality completely out of it. Queen and country for me, but in case you’ve forgotten, my wife and, most importantly, my son are American citizens. Yeah, I do know how good you are, and that’s what I want protecting them and their country.”

Taking a drink, FDR nodded. “Thanks.”

“So, was he someone serious?”

Rolling his eyes, FDR said, “You saw the white line around his finger, too. He gave me the name ‘Sam Smith’.”

“What, really?”

“I console myself with the thought, ‘At least, I know I’m not about to unwittingly hop into bed with another agent.’”

“Yeah, I suppose so. Um, do you mind my asking, when it comes to all those women you’ve-”

“I like both,” FDR said. “If I ever get married, obviously, it’ll be to a woman, but until then, occasionally, the urge strikes for something different.”

“Why ‘obviously’?”

“One, gay marriage is legal in how many states? Two, it really is a case of the occasional urge. I do largely prefer women.” Upon seeing he was about to get an answer to the first question, he quickly added, “Learn how to recognise a rhetorical question, Tuck, for both our sakes.”

Tuck grinned.

“What’s that look for?”

“So, we’re finally at that level?”

“Going further,” he pushed a key and piece of paper over, “here’s my home phone. Next time, call it if I don’t answer my cell. And if that doesn’t work, if you can, come over. Use the key.”

“Will do,” Tuck promised.

…

Some downtime around the office had everyone making conversation, and somehow, the conversation turned to homosexuality.

FDR had long learned to compartmentalise. It could hurt, but he never let it show.

“You’re being awfully quiet, Hansen,” someone said.

Discomfort suddenly swept through FDR.

Tuck shrugged. “Always interesting to hear what other people think.”

“And you think differently?”

Before FDR could interject, Tuck said, “Joe’s growing so fast. Statistically, there’s an 8 to 15% chance he will be. To be honest, I do hope, if he is, he doesn’t have to hear what I’m hearing, but luckily, my little man is tough. Did you know, last week, he skinned his knee while crawling, and he didn’t even cry? Just scooted over to Katie and pointed down. She bandaged him up, and before she could stop him, he was back to crawling.”

This steered the conversation briefly away until someone else asked, “Are you saying you’d 100% be okay with him being like that, Hansen?”

“Why not,” Tuck replied with a shrug. “As long as he brings home a decent man, it’d be nice having another son. And if he brings home someone not decent, none of you will ever be able to prove I had anything to do with said individual, who’d likely be American, ending up in a foreign country with FDR. And since FDR is a good mate who owes me for the endless paperwork I’ve done, it wouldn’t be his fault if he happened to get some incredibly bad intel and accidentally ended up taking out what he didn’t know was an American on foreign soil.”

“If it came to that, sure thing, buddy,” FDR said. “But maybe, instead, we could just end up accidentally accessing some private records we didn’t have permission to view, and if that information somehow got leaked to the boys in blue in the form of an anonymous tip, well, these things happen.”

Sighing, Tuck gave him a betrayed look. “Fine. For now, that’s the plan. Someday, though, you might have a boy or girl of your own, and then, I promise you, you’ll come around to seeing the superiority of my plan.”

The conversation turned permanently to other things, and later, when FDR saw Tuck outside, he went over and hugged him from behind and, keeping contact, moved to the side.

Laughing, Tuck reached up to squeeze his hand. “Not that I’m complaining, but what brought this on?”

Squeezing the hand back and briefly tightening the hug, FDR let go. “You’re a good friend, Tuck.”

Tuck smiled. “Is that your way of trying to get another dinner invitation? Katie’s making tacos tonight.”

“I wouldn’t say no to one,” FDR answered. “But, uh, seriously: It’s been a long time since I had a friend I could count on like you.”

“Hey, no problem, mate. I was floundering when I first came in here, and the way you stepped up meant more than you can imagine. So, dinner at six?”

…

When he noticed Tuck was starting to work later and later at night, he quietly said, “Hey, if you ever need a place to crash, mi couch es su couch.”

“Tell me, how many years of Spanish did you take,” Tuck inquired. “And what did you say or do to convince the teachers to pass you?”

…

He wasn’t surprised when the doorbell rang and he opened the door to find Tuck on the other side.

“You look terrible,” he said. “Come in. I’ll get the blankets. Do you still have the key I gave you?”

Tuck silently produced it.

Once he got the blankets and pillows, he also got a bottle of scotch and some shot glasses. “Okay, there’s a limit. I will cut you off when you reach it, but right now, let’s drink. Safe zone. You end up crying, it’s up there with all the other things I don’t know, and in the event of torture, will die insisting that I don’t know, okay?”

“Thanks,” was Tuck’s dull reply.

He sat down on the floor, pushed the coffee table away, pulled Tuck down beside him, and poured them each a shot.

“Joe’s only four-year’s-old. Four. He shouldn’t have to worry about anything like this. How in the hell do we- I don’t know what more I could have done. Everything that Katie’s wanted, I’ve tried to do. I’m a good father.”

“No one’s said otherwise,” FDR gently said. “Not even her.”

“No, but- I don’t know what else to do. A fourteen-year-old shouldn’t have to deal with this, never mind a toddler.”

Pouring some more, FDR said, “Look, Joe’s going to be fine. I promise you. Whatever problems you and Katie are having, we both know that she is reasonable, and just like you, she wants the absolute best for him. No, he probably won’t understand some of this. It’ll hurt. But I remember you once told me he’d always have two parents who solved things rationally. If you and Katie absolutely aren’t going to work, it’s best for you to figure out how to raise him apart than to subject him to parents who are forcing themselves to be together.”

“I just don’t understand why.”

They drank some more.

Abruptly, Tuck inquired, “You knew, didn’t you?”

Fearing the answer, he asked, “Knew what?” 

“That- that this would happen.”

He sighed. “Not exactly. When you and Katie first came over to Nana’s, I knew you weren’t right for each other. But at that point, we’d just had a couple of drinks together after work. You were expecting Joe. So- after he came, you were both so happy, I just hoped that I’d been wrong in my assessment.”

Tuck bitterly laughed. “Tell me, now, what is your assessment?”

Hesitating, FDR took another shot. “Katie was twenty when you met her. Two years later, you were married. A little over a year after that, and Joe was here. I don’t know what she wants, and more importantly, however mature she was when you met, she doesn’t really know, either. She met a great guy, and she fell for him. But twenty-years-old- my nana was married at sixteen. She’s never regretted it. Most people, though, hell, at twenty, I’m lucky I didn’t have an email address at the time, or there’s a good chance my application would have been rejected.”

Shaking his head, he said, “She’s in her mid-twenties, she has a baby to take care of, and she’s suddenly realising that, aside from being the best mom she can be, she has no idea what she really wants and needs out of life.”

“Then, why’d I marry her,” Tuck asked in hurt bewilderment.

“Because you did know what you wanted. A nice girl to build a family with. Everything you saw pointed to her being that girl. It’s neither of your faults that she wasn’t.”

“Thanks,” Tuck mumbled.

“You can always count on me,” FDR promised. “No matter what you need, I’m here for you.”

Nodding, Tuck looked up. “Is it alright if I ask about your parents?”

Taking a deep breath, FDR forced himself to say, “Sure.”

They drank some more.

Finally, he said, “They died in a car accident. Being the little shit I was, whenever I really wanted to hurt Nana, I’d tell her, ‘I should have died, too.’”

Tuck reached over and hit him hard on the head.

Scooting away and rubbing his head, FDR said, “Yeah, let’s call that payback for all the times she wanted to do that.”

“You were-” Tuck paused.

“With them? Yeah. I don’t know how exactly- In a strictly literal sense, I’m not sure how I did survive.” He dodged Tuck’s kick. “At the time, I was really into Superman, and I went about a year wearing my superman costume everywhere. Grandpa, my teachers, even the kids at school, they all- but Nana was great about it. She didn’t spoil me, but she did allow a lot of stuff that others probably wouldn’t have. So, I went around determined to be Superman, and then, I started locking myself in the stables at night. She-”

He cleared his throat. “She made me sleep in bed with her and Grandpa until she was sure I’d keep my promise not to do it. If it weren’t for her, who knows where I might have ended up in life. She knows, you know, about my job. We never talk about it, but I know she knows.”

What she didn’t know about was him liking men. What his parents never had a chance to find out- he hoped Tuck wouldn't say, ‘They’d be proud.’ Looking back, he can’t remember showing any sign of such tendencies as a kid. They loved their little boy, he knew, but he truly couldn’t be sure they’d be proud of the man he grew into.

“So, me and Katie- we divorce. Work out a custody agreement for Joe. Try our best to give him everything he needs. Hey, I’ve always missed fieldwork. Think you and I could last longer than your other partners have?”

“You make it sound like I have an inability to keep partners. I’ve never really been assigned one. Different analysts are chosen to be my eyes and ears. Me and you, we might have clicked if you’d ever volunteered. I asked, once, remember?”

“I think we’d click better in the field.”

Noticing how Tuck was starting to nod off, FDR said, “And here’s the limit. One more, and then, it’s onto the couch.”

“Right,” Tuck muttered. He looked over. “You know that I love you, don’t you? With everything going to hell, it’s important to say that.”

“Yeah,” FDR answered. Smiling, he said, “I love you, too. And I mean it when I say that you should stay here for as long as you want.”

Standing up, he pulled Tuck along. “Don’t worry. It’ll take time, but just like Joe’s a strong kid, his dad’s a strong man. You’ll get through this.”

…

He woke up to the unfamiliar smell of bacon and eggs.

Stumbling out, he found Tuck in the kitchen and wondered where Tuck had gotten the pans. He was fairly sure he didn’t own them, and he knew Tuck hadn’t brought them with him.

“Apology breakfast,” Tuck offered.

“Nothing to apologise for,” FDR firmly said. “But thanks, man.”

…

Tuck stayed at his place for almost six months.

FDR discovered they were good on the field, but there were times they had their issues.

“This is all his fault,” Tuck insisted. “If he’d listened to me-”

Tossing the flash-drive down on the desk, FDR snapped, “I got it.”

Tuck paused. “You never-”

“I’m not the one who almost blew our cover. When I flirt with a civilian, it’s for a good reason!”

“Good for you, or good for our countries? I don’t care what you do during your free time, but on missions-”

“Hey, get over your thirty second selective amnesia. I got the drive!”

“This time. What about that time in Peru?”

“What does-? That was a simple recon mission.”

“Yes, and part of doing recon involved you sticking your tongue down that waitress’s throat?”

“You’re the one who always complains about our expense reports never being honoured. We got three free meals thanks to my attention.”

“Do you- Does he- That’s why you did it?”

“No, I did it because she was very beautiful and willing.”

“Gentleman,” their boss interrupted. “Could you please have your squabble outside of my office?”

They went outside.

“What’s this really about,” FDR asked.

Tuck shook his head. “You cut radio contact.”

“Call me old-fashioned, but unless absolutely necessary, I try not to air out certain things, even if they’re being done for the sake of a mission. I don’t want people hearing me, call it twisted considering I’m already using her but I don’t feel it’s gentlemanly to let the woman be heard, and most people, I imagine most of them would really rather not hear, either. The ones who would, I don’t want to give them the pleasure.”

Taking a deep breath, Tuck said, “Well, I’m sorry, but you’re going to need to get over that. I was terrified when the line went dead.”

“Why? Did my vitals drop, too? Dramatically change in a bad way?”

“If the enemy can cut radio contact, they might well be able to manipulate such things.”

“That was a low blow,” FDR abruptly said. “I’ve been a honeypot before. I still hate that term, by the way. Am I proud of it? My feelings are complicated. That waitress’s name was Mica, and her drawings were awesome. The food was an unexpected bonus. I thought we might need an unofficial sketch artist, and again, very beautiful. Didn’t you tell me about some study saying that flirting is good for lowering blood pressure?”

“In incredibly simplified, generalised terms, yes, but that really wasn’t the point of the study,” Tuck answered. “Look, I’m sorry. I was incredibly worried, and admittedly, my reaction was a bit of an overreaction. But you don’t get privacy on missions, and you need to shove such gentlemanly instincts aside when it comes to them. I promise, I won’t get off to the sound of you- there’s no good way to finish that sentence.”

“You’re even more of a gentleman than I am.”

“And I’ve never been a honeypot,” Tuck said, “for the simple reason I’d be utter crap at it.”

FDR carefully didn’t respond.

“Are we good,” Tuck asked.

“Tell you what, Nana’s leftovers are all gone, so, you come over and fix dinner, and we can talk about ways to ensure my privacy and keep you from worrying. Sound good?”

“It does, but you need to learn how to cook. Me and Nana Foster aren’t always going to be around, you know. Katie’s already started teaching Joe.”

“Good for him. That means he won’t have to rely on you or Katie when he’s grown. But see, part of my being a bachelor is the fact that, without you and Nana, all the nearby restaurants have my credit card memorised.”

“You- you had them memorise your credit card number? What did I tell you about that?”

“Something along the lines of, ‘Don’t do it, I’m a hotshot MI-whatever, I know more about something than you do, in fact, I know more about everything than you do.’ Look, it likes living in your wallet, and do you really want me calling you every time I order out?”

“How did you even survive before I came ‘round?”

“You have Nana’s eternal gratitude.”

…

He knew Tuck was finally getting to a point where actual dating was an option, but he'd expected Tuck to be sensible about it.

“Let me get this straight. You put your personal, private details on a very public website. Are you insane?”

“I’m not the only agent who’s done it,” Tuck answered.

“You agree with that stupid Furby rule that kept Joe from bringing his along, even though he sulked the whole day, but this you have no problem with. Seriously?”

“Could you just be happy for me?”

In answer, he said, “Here’s how it’s going to go down: You’re going to go on this date, and I’m gonna go on a date with you. There’s this cute lesbian living in the apartment above me. I’ll get her to come, we can make sure this girl you like isn’t a Susan or Carol or whoever Ross’s ex-wife from Friends is, and-”

“No.”

“Come on, I’m scared for you, man. You haven’t done this in a long time. Aside from potential lesbianism, this girl could be all sorts of crazy.”

Laughing, Tuck said, “Before I get into that, what exactly is the story with this lesbian?”

“She and her now ex-girlfriend had a very public fight. As in, I was hit with an ashtray. After the ex vamoosed, I helped her clean up the apartment. She’s a kickass swimmer. If I’m ever drowning and there’s any way you can get her over, do it. She wouldn’t even need special equipment.”

“That’s assuming she could even be compelled by your country’s laws,” Tuck said.

“Well, the lake she likes swimming in is an hour’s drive away, and she doesn’t have a car, so-” He shrugged.

Softly, Tuck said, “It’s a date. I need a little privacy.”

He couldn't argue, but- “You know what? I’ll be around the corner on ringtone. I’ll be at the video store. One ring means you need an extraction, two means you need a clean-up, three means I can get home.”

Tuck considered it. “Two hundred yards.”

“Sold!”

…

After the date, they met up for beer and cake.

“Let me guess, petite blonde with gorgeous eyes?”

“I’m afraid to ask,” Tuck sighed.

“On the bad side, your girlfriend thinks that I was trying to hit on her, and in all seriousness, no, I wasn’t. On the good side, I do like her.”

“Why would she think you were trying to hit on her?”

“Because, I tried to engage in some cinematic discussion with her. Again, in all seriousness, the moment I saw her, I knew she must have been your date. So, I initiated contact.”

“Huh. But you like her?”

“Yep. She’s smart, has great taste in movies, and has a tough but sweet dichotomy going on.”

“‘Dichotomy’?”

“I’m not willing to admit that those crosswords you made me do that one month had an impact, but maybe hanging around you all these years has.”

“Do you think Joe would like her?”

He poked Tuck with his fork. “As important as Nana’s great-grandbaby is, you’ve had one date. It went well. Your best friend approves. Go on a few more before you start worrying about how he’ll adjust. If it doesn’t start developing in a good direction with the next few, you say goodbye, and nothing in his life has changed. If it does, get used to a lot less privacy, because we both know he’ll be tagging along on quite a few of your dates.”

…

He went to Lauren’s job and caught her during her lunch break. “Tuck told me you worked here. Look, I feel we got off on the wrong foot. Tuck’s had a hard time since he and Katie split, and I’m definitely not going to do anything to keep him from moving on. How about I buy you lunch, and you can hopefully start to see what he sees in me?”

She looked at him for a long moment. “Okay. I mean, you don’t need to buy, but some company sounds nice. I’d also like for us to get along. So, you’re a travel agent, too?”

“Cruise ships,” he answered. “His agency and mine have a merger of sorts.”

A sparkle of excitement came into her eyes. “Oh, maybe you could give me a professional opinion, then. Last month, we were product testing…”

…

“Lauren and Tuck are coming over,” FDR reminded Nana.

She gave him a look. “I’m still not suffering from dementia, sweetheart.”

“Do you want more great-grandbabies or not? Because you have a much better chance getting them from him.”

“I know,” she said. “Great-grandbabies or not, I wish you could find someone.” She paused. “Sometimes, I worry that you have but don’t have anyone to spell it out. I remember your freshman year, that poor little girl followed you around like a puppy, and you kept thinking she just wanted your slice of pie at lunch.”

“Because, that’s what she told me she wanted. Random thought: You could have told me.”

She gave him a small, almost sad smile. “Maybe.” Cheering back up, she said, “Let’s go over the dietary list for this Lauren one more time.”

“There is no dietary list. She hates milk by itself and will kill anyone who tries to take yogurt-dipped strawberries with honey on them away from her. Joe might be the only exception, but Tuck’s been too scared to test the theory.”

…

After the family dinner, Tuck slung an arm around FDR. “So, this time, completely honest opinion: If I were to marry her-?”

“Completely honest opinion: I think she knows exactly what she wants, and you and her would be wonderful together. Guess this means you’d have to go back to analyst work, though, huh?”

Tuck sighed. “Yeah, I’d been thinking about that. Now that Joe’s older-”

“If you’re worried about me, don’t be,” FDR interrupted. “I promise, I’ll be fine without you in the field. And we both know, whether he’s nine or ninety-nine, he’s always going to be your beautiful baby boy. Nana won’t be around forever, and you know I’d do anything for him, but- if you and Lauren and Katie can provide a stable family unit, focus on that.”

“I love her,” Tuck admitted.

FDR closed his eyes for a long minute. Reopening them, he reached up to squeeze Tuck’s hand. “Good, buddy.”

…

A few nights after the family dinner, Tuck showed up at FDR’s apartment with red-rimmed eyes at 12:45 in the morning. “Lauren dumped me.”

…

Lauren sighed when she saw him waiting outside her building. “I’m guessing Tuck doesn’t know you’re here?”

He shook his head.

“Let’s get some coffee,” she said.

…

“Did Tuck tell you why we broke up?”

“He said you dumped him. He didn’t seem to understand why.”

He watched her face closely. “But you think he does.”

“I’m sorry Tuck’s hurt,” she told him. “I understand you wanting to be there for your best friend. There are some things, though, that need to stay between him and I unless he’s the one who tells you.”

“You don’t have a complete understanding,” he said. “About ten, eleven years ago, my agency and his brought some of us together. There was tension between everyone, but Tuck, he was quiet and never sat with anyone, not even the people from his own. I thought it’d be good for both of our jobs if we got a few drinks, found some common ground.”

“Now, Joe belongs to my nana just as much as he does Tuck and Katie. When they fell apart, it was my couch Tuck crashed on for almost seven months. You see a crewmember go overboard, you give your life if necessary to save theirs, but it’s deeper than that when it comes to me and him. He’s my family, Lauren. I don’t want to be there for my best friend, I need to be there for my family. And I’m asking you to please help me. You don’t want to date him or feel like you can’t for some reason? I can respect that. I just need to know why so that I can start helping him to get over you.”

She hesitated. “Then, work on him,” she softly said. “Because, I have to do what I believe is right, and whether you understand it or not, not telling you certain things is right.”

Standing up, she sat some money on the table. “I truly am sorry.”

…

When he got back to his apartment, he immediately realised Tuck had been heavily drinking.

“You talked to Lauren.”

“No more for you,” he said. “Yeah, I did, but unfortunately, she wasn’t any more helpful than you.” Slipping down onto the floor next to him, FDR said, “Come on, Tuck. Talk to me, buddy.”

A bitter laugh filled the apartment. “So I can lose everyone but Joe? Even him, he’s a smart kid, he’d choose-”

“Tuck! You know that you could never lose me. If you inexplicably became a Bond villain and tried to destroy my country, I’d have you locked up, sure, but I’d visit you every day. We’d play charades, or if they let us, Chinese checkers, and I’d show you videos of Joe. That’s how much I love you, man.”

Tuck scooted away. “That’s the problem.”

“What, you’ve suddenly become a Bond villain? Alright, look, just tell me where the moon-destroying laser is, and I’ll see about getting you a nice cell with satellite TV.”

Shaking his head, Tuck tiredly ordered, “Don’t.”

“Okay,” FDR quietly agreed. “Then, what is it?”

Standing up, Tuck began pacing. “When I was with Katie, I never wanted anyone else. Even near the end when everything was going to crap, I was never even tempted.”

“Were you tempted with Lauren?”

Tuck waved for him to be quiet. “You were my mate. But- I don’t know why you couldn’t stay that way. Don’t say you still are. God, for someone who can find a hidden bomb just by talking and identify a smuggler by watching body language, you don’t see a lot.”

Carefully, FDR stood up. “What am I not seeing, Tuck?”

In response, Tuck let out a chilling sound, and even though every instinct told FDR to go to him, he recognised it would be a bad idea to do so.   

“That I wanted more than sleeping on your couch and making you food and going out into the field with you!”

Utterly exhausted by his ever-growing confusion, FDR suddenly thought it was likely a good thing he never had any super-close friends growing up. “Okay, yeah, I know this is probably me missing the point, since, apparently, you can’t just straight up tell me what this is really about, but feeling the need to defend myself: Not only did I offer my bed, but I suggested we find a cot or airbed or something. That’s not even getting into the fact you did have the resources to find your own place. I didn’t start insisting on you making me food until after you’d already done it several times. A simple, ‘I’m serious, no more,’ would have stopped me. And hey, if you wanted a different partner, I’m a big boy who could’ve handled hearing that. One submitted request would have been all it took.”

Tuck glared at him.

“What, you have a rebuttal? Bring it,” FDR said.

“Here’s why Lauren broke up with me,” Tuck said almost too quietly to hear. “Every conversation went back to you. When you were both around, I touched you more than I did her. And worst of all, when I was kissing her and touching her- she must have sensed who I was thinking about. It should have been her, but it wasn’t. Is that clear enough, or do I need to give you three guesses? Would some clues such as three letters make up the name, he’s a man, and he’s standing right in front of me help?”

“Oh.”

Before he could process it, the taste of scotch was invading his mouth, and firm hands were gripping his arms.

Slipping away, he wiped his mouth. “Not like this.”

Tuck was immediately out the door.

…

FDR was sitting on the other side of Tuck’s bed when Tuck woke up.

Ignoring Tuck’s groan and the way he hid his face, FDR reached over and set a Styrofoam cup of coffee on the nightstand. “Say anything, and I kick you off the bed. Here’s how this is going to go: When you’re ready, you’re going to sit up, take a drink, and look at me. I’ll let you go to the bathroom, but try to go anywhere else or fail to return in ten minutes, and in total seriousness, I’ll make you regret it.”

Tuck went to the bathroom and returned in six minutes. Sitting back down, he refused to look at FDR.

“I’ve already called us both in sick,” FDR told him. “So, we can sit here all day.”

Finally, Tuck took a drink and turned to look at FDR.

“Maybe you should stick to finding patterns in data on a screen. The first time I saw you smile, I regretted being nice to the newbie. The first time you truly laughed- you don’t know how good that made me feel. When you were trying to get me to hold baby Joe, I said he’d be unfairly handsome. I didn’t add, ‘Just like his dad.’”

“Even when you were so okay with me liking men- I’ve been hiding parts of myself all my life. Do you think I wanted anyone to know how badly I wanted a married man who’d adopted my family? That I wanted a straight guy with a kid, a straight guy I trusted with my life and who trusted me with his? I’ve always thanked God you never saw, but knowing that I wasn’t alone and given how well you truly do know me, I’m suddenly wondering how it is that you never saw, either.”

Tuck caught his eyes.

“Yeah, go ahead, talk.”

“I’m sorry about the kiss.”

“It happened. It’s over. If you want to focus on it, save it until after the rest is settled.”

Tuck sighed. “Could we please get some breakfast?”

“Sure. Want me to leave while you get dressed?”

“I’m just going to make some.”

“As long as that’s not held against me-”

“Please,” Tuck softly said.

FDR shrugged.

…

Tuck announced, “I’m just going to lay it all out: I don’t know when exactly or how it happened, but I’m in love with you. And for a long time, friendship was enough. It- it probably could still be. If it were more, what I’d want, though, wouldn’t be an arrangement or ‘let’s agree we can date other people’ or anything like that. You and me in a one bedroom flat or house. Me making anything more complicated than cereal and soups. I know being open isn’t much of an option, but if it ever did become one, I’d want that.”

FDR finished chewing. “Two bedroom,” he said. “Unless you wanted us to squeeze together on a couch every time Joe visited.”

Groaning, Tuck rubbed his head and nodded. “Right. Of course.”

“Hey, look at me.”

Tuck did.

“I’m in love with you, too. And now that you’ve brushed your teeth and are sober, I’d really like to kiss you, now.”

“I’d- I’d like that, too.”

Standing up, FDR walked over and leaned down.

Tuck met him halfway.

…

The next morning, FDR made a face at Tuck’s look and filled two plates with eggs and bacon. “Now that I’m no longer a bachelor, I guess you’ll just have to protect me whenever I end up on the fire department’s hit list.”

…

While FDR was being chased by Joe, Nana Foster said to Tuck, “Come help me with the horses.”

Nodding, he took her arm in his. “I want to thank you again for the bedroom set you gave us for Joe’s room. We should have it all moved into the new house soon.”

“Of course, dear. Only the best for my great-grandbaby,” she said. Once they got to the stables, she redirected him from the horses over to the pictures of FDR and his parents. 

“I don’t believe in mistakes,” she told him. “It’s the mistakes that make us who we are.”

He nodded and gave her a tentative smile. “You brought me here for a private chat.”

“Yes.” Reaching over, she touched the picture of FDR’s parents. “They’d be so proud of him. Just as I am. I don’t believe in mistakes, but if I had one regret, it’s that I know certain things that- I always thought that it was best to let him tell me. I still do. But now, I’m afraid I might die, and he’ll have to live with even more unfinished business. Unanswered questions.”

“Nana Foster-”

She looked him straight in the eye. “I love your son, and I love you. My grandson will always come first. Whether you tell him about this or not, I want to hear from you if he’s made a good decision. Is he loved? Cherished? Can I die knowing that he’s safe? Should I trust the holder of his heart?”

“Yes,” Tuck answered. “Yes to all of it. I love FDR with all my heart, Nana Foster. I’d never hurt or betray him. If he’ll let me, I promise I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make sure he’s happy.”

“Good,” she said. Reaching up, she kissed both of his cheeks. “You and Katie gave Joe to one another. I hope she finds someone special someday. Now, FDR will give you everything else. Love, commitment, and happiness. Never doubt that you made the right decision in giving your heart to him. Let’s get back.”

“Thank you, Nana Foster.”    


End file.
